Mourning through the holidays is a tricky one.
It's one of those times where most of us won't be able to escape being around others. Being around those Jolly ones and the Grinches. It is also the time when most people will forget that we are mourning. It's the awkward moment where we are feeling the ocean weight of our loss but are expected to smile regardless.
To celebrate or not to celebrate? That is the question.
Your answer may differ from mine but mine is to celebrate. I'm not exactly Jolly but I've always loved Christmas. Those I've lost have loved Christmas. While I'm still here, I will celebrate it for them. I know regardless of where I am or what I'm doing I will be grieving. I know the world will not stop. However, I can make a plan of action just in case Demons attack and I've hit rock bottom.
This year I may not be encountering a whole group of people and may be just celebrating with my little nest of a family. However, you never know who may be knocking at your door or who's door you may be knocking on. Realistically people like to visit people on the holidays.
So I'm devising a plan. I will give you the steps that I'm taking and if you want to too go for it! Pick and choose or change at will.
Plan A -
1) Wave of emotions start coming, remove myself from the immediate situation.
2) Go somewhere private whether a bathroom, other room, or car.
3) Feel some of it.
4) After feeling what I deem is enough feeling, try to get a handle on it.
5) Feelings controllable go back out.
Plan B-
Having a meltdown
1) remove yourself from the situation.
2) text or call someone you feel appropriately comfortable speaking about this with.
3) If they are there, ask for a hug and don't let go till most of the waves are out.
4) talk or don't talk. Do what you feel comfortable with.
5) if you can't get the control back, that's ok. Feel it and then leave if you're at someone else's place or go to a room and cry everything from your eyes out to the feeling in your body.
It's ok to cry. It's ok to leave the festivities. It's ok to celebrate and it's ok to not.
Key Elements in the plan:
1) Have Faith. God is always there and death is a part of life. We all are here on borrowed time. He will help you through the toughest falls and will help you to continue your climb onward.
2) Make sure you have at least one reliable person around you (whether physically or by phone) who understands what you are going through and are willing to be there regardless what you may need.
3) Know a meltdown is possible and is perfectly ok.
4) Know regardless how much you plan, you can't control everything and therefore cannot plan for everything.
5) This might sound weird but it's good to grieve. It shows you're making progress and the price we pay for loving someone is to mourn them when they are gone.
If any of you need someone to talk to and please remember I'm not a professional in any way but I am someone who has gone through it and is going through it.
You can email me at diaryheartgrieve@aol.com.
God bless you and everyone you encounter.
Good luck!
<3 Cherie
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